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Mindset Mastery & The Body Scan
Introduction To Mindset Mastery Work
Mindset Mastery: Written Coaching
Success Models: Understanding the model using your success (61:01)
Struggle Models: Learning from unintentional models (79:02)
😊Breaking Free from Self-Judgment: Navigating Your Past, Present, and Future (75:19)
✨Harnessing the power of emotions (73:14)
✨How to create, or generate an emotion on purpose (68:19)
✅ Decisions ahead of time. (118:24)
The Body Scan: Your Body is what Your HORSE experiences
The Body Scan: Why, When and How (68:11)
The Body Scan Worksheet
Questions That Have Been Answered: Written Mindset Coaching
Part 12: FULL CIRCLE(S) Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
Follow up to Resistance to Riding
Part 11: FULL (Counterbend) CIRCLE(S) ;-) Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
Part 2: Choices…I got to choose how I felt about it all.
Part 5: We often have many different thoughts about the same situation and many of them may even seem to conflict.
Choices…I got to choose how I felt about it all.
Part 4: We often have many different thoughts about the same situation and many of them may even seem to conflict.
Part 5: Does it feel like you’re asking this question from a future focused place or a past focused place?
Part 2: You will learn things on the other side of this
Stories can be fluid...they can vary between people, change with more information, and shift with questioning.
Often, and especially when we think a fear is “irrational,” we try to shove it down and pretend it’s not there or ignore it.
You WILL learn things on the other side of all this, I can promise you, but there’s no perfect way to approach a challenge you didn’t ask for.
Part 10: FULL CIRCLE(S) ;-) Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
Part 9: FULL CIRCLE: Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
Part 4: Does it feel like you’re asking this question from a future focused place or a past focused place?
Follow up to: I’m struggling with sorting out the feelings about perceived actions versus facts.
Part 2 Our brains are incredibly skilled at finding evidence for what they believe.
Our brains are incredibly skilled at finding evidence for what they believe.
I’m struggling with sorting out the feelings about the perceived actions from the facts.
Can peace coexist with some of the emotions in your unintentional model?
I have made the difficult decision to rehome my current horse...
Part 3: Does it feel like you’re asking this question from a future focused place or a past focused place?
When we’re talking about other people’s feelings about us, it can be powerful to remember that we are the Circumstance in their model.
Part 3: We often have many different thoughts about the same situation, and some of them may even seem to conflict.
Part 8: Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
Part 2: Does it feel like you’re asking this question from a future focused place or a past focused place?
Part 7: Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
Follow up: (“An internal wrestling match.”) It is common on some level to feel that self judgment is necessary.
Follow up: (teachers) “Together we control us, the environment doesn’t control us.”
Follow up: We often have many different thoughts about the same situation, and some of them may even seem to conflict.
Follow up: It is common to feel on some level that self judgment is necessary
Follow up: “Together we control us, the environment doesn’t control us.”
Does it feel like you’re asking this question from a future focused place or a past focused place?
Follow up: A letter to my Past Self (Follow up Part 5: Default thoughts will often.....)
Part 6: Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
Follow up: "It is common to feel on some level that self-judgment is necessary."
"It is common to feel on some level that self-judgment is necessary." Follow up: Challenges Can Be Opportunities If we Allow Them To Be
Followups to last two posts: “Together we control us, the environment doesn’t control us.” And added notes
Follow-up: “Together we control us, the environment doesn’t control us.”
✨A Letter to My Past Self (Follow up Part 4: Default thoughts will very often feel more "true" than our intentional thoughts)
Follow-up Part 3: “Together we control us, the environment doesn’t control us.”
Follow up Part 3: Default thoughts will very often feel more "true" than our intentional thoughts
Follow up: Challenges CAN be opportunities if we allow them to be
Your horse’s anxiety may have triggered your anxiety… the truth is that other feelings are possible, even when the horse is feeling anxious.
Follow-up: “Together we control us, the environment doesn’t control us.”
Follow up to: Sometimes we find thoughts that we didn’t know are thoughts at all. We think they’re facts.
Part 2 "It is possible to make mistakes, to do things we aren't proud of and don't want to repeat without labeling ourselves as bad or wrong?
Follow up to: Challenges CAN be opportunities but we call them challenges for a reason
I decided to type a question so that this might motivate me...
😎Part 5: Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
Part 2: "You mentioned that your heart rate increases... but I want you to dig deeper."
Follow up to: Sometimes we find thoughts that we didn’t know are thoughts at all. We think they’re facts.
Follow up to: Part 3: Let’s start by noticing that your brain is being a little hard on you.
Connecting the challenges that life hands us, to challenges that we have CHOSEN for ourselves in the past.
We often have many different thoughts about the same situation, and some of them may even seem to conflict.
Sometimes we find thoughts that we didn’t know are thoughts at all. We think they’re facts.
Challenges CAN BE opportunities... But we call them challenges for a reason!
You mentioned that your heart rate increases... but I want you to dig deeper.
Part 2: "Let's start by noticing that your brain is being a little hard on you."
Part 4: Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
Follow-up to: “Together we control us, the environment doesn’t control us.”
Follow up: Default thoughts will very often feel more “true” than our intentional thoughts, at least initially. They’re usually much more well practiced.
Let’s start by noticing that your brain is being a little hard on you.
Mindset Mastery will help you accept the tough ones, enjoy the fun ones, and cultivate the useful ones.
Part 3: Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
This is a 100 day Challenge. You might get in your own way at times.
Default thoughts will very often feel more “true” than our intentional thoughts, at least initially. They’re usually much more well practiced.
I signed up for the virtual Tevis Challenge.
'Milestones' rather than 'goals'
Part 2: Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
Make sure you’re looking back and exploring the mindset you had in the moment, not how it felt AFTER the filming went well.
“Together we control us, the environment doesn’t control us.”⭐
Follow up: Where else do you see “failure” where you could see a footprint on the path to success?
Follow up: Having the power to pivot the plan (two things can exist at once)
I want to be friends with 'hesitant'.
It’s an advanced mindset skill, to hold these seemingly contradictory ideas at the same time. That something can be a gift AND it can be hard.
It’s valuable to know that you’re feeling some hesitation, and that it is coming from the thought that you have “so much work to do.”
It is possible to make mistakes, to do things that we aren’t proud of and don’t want to repeat, without labeling ourselves as bad or wrong.
Follow up to: Perhaps you “see” the other choices but you don’t truly believe they are valid. This is something you can explore further.
Where did you get these ideas? Do you totally agree with them deep down? Do these ideas apply to everyone at all times, or are there some situations where they change?
Perhaps you “see” the other choices but you don’t truly believe they are valid. This is something you can explore further.
Part 5: Your brain was trying to make guesses as to what YOU could change to make sure people don’t have negative thoughts about you
🔥I am just beginning to be willing to be who I am, and enjoy it.
✨Your inner coach sounds AMAZING! (Part 4: Your brain was trying to make guesses as to what YOU could change to make sure people don’t have negative thoughts about you)
Part 3: Your brain was trying to make guesses as to what YOU could change to make sure people don’t have negative thoughts about you
Part 2: Zero in on one particular thought...
Part 2 ‘I’d be curious to explore ‘putting in a positive, calm front’
Be aware of how my unchecked feelings/emotions create my actions!!
Zero in on one particular thought...
I expected he would be easy to ride walk trop lope with his past training
It’s powerful to retrace your steps when you make an empowered decision!
Part 2: Your brain was trying to make guesses as to what YOU could change to make sure people don’t have negative thoughts about you
I went in more present. More aware of the relationship and how I need to support her.
How should I handle the increasing resistance to riding that my horse is sharing?
Could you please elaborate more on how I can have a thought download?
Horses, like people, have personalities and tendencies that are unique to them.
Your brain was trying to make guesses as to what YOU could change to make sure people don’t have negative thoughts about you.
Process or destination: Focusing on the destination can feel very black and white.
Follow up: How do I really become ok with what she offers me?
"Write a struggle or success model for myself 21 times in the next 30 days!"
How do I really become ok with what she offers me?
How could you turn these questions into ones that might actually be EMPOWERING to answer?
Sometimes fear can help us find the areas where we could be better prepared or have better tools. Thank you, fear! 😉
The mental work we most need will reappear again and again. No need to worry about picking the “best” place to start.
Without the starting point (the UNintentional model, in this case), it’s impossible to create a map to navigate how you will get from point A to point B.
I figured out my one thing!!
I’m kinda stuck on how to dig deeper.
...as I wrote I felt this weight lift off my chest, and I felt light and clean - such an amazing sensation.
Sometimes our brain uses information that could actually be helpful against us. (follow up on spooking)
Update to the Arizona/Minnesota Saga...
When do I know to move on to the next exercise? What are the requirements/guidelines?
I'm new here...I did notice my mind opening up as I began working on it.
I am struggling with my thoughts/feelings around using my legs so actively.
Unplanned dismount, fear and the future
Follow up: Explore further WHY you’re choosing (explore both sides for clarity)
Follow up (“I can see I’m judging myself and projecting way out in the future because of one incident.”)
I don't know ...yet! (follow up on: There is a universe of difference between - I don’t know - and - I am learning.)
I’d be curious to explore: ‘putting on a positive, calm front’.
There is a universe of difference between - I don’t know - and - I am learning.
“I can see I’m judging myself and projecting way out in the future because of one incident.”
Regardless of what you decide... you have fundamentally transformed the way you’ll make this decision. 🔥
Explore further WHY you’re choosing (explore both sides for clarity)
Using fears to uncover more actions
The truth is, you don’t “need” to change your mindset.
I always knew thoughts are powerful, but when you work backwards, it highlights it even more.
Challenge your brain to find 5-10 pieces of evidence that your intentional thought is true.
You’re ALREADY in the messy middle...
Managing Emotions Well, Part 3
Great insight about the feeling of excitement/nervousness/anxiety. Let's go a step deeper.
Part 2: Managing Thoughts and Emotions Well
Yearly Goal - to attend and compete in the AERC 50 mile championship in August.
Homeschooling: BUILDING trust in yourself
Part 2: Success: "like I had given HIM a puzzle to figure out"
When do I know when my brain is right in these areas or wrong?
Managing Thoughts and Emotions Well
Follow-up to: Having the power to pivot the plan (two things can exist at once)
Looking for 'green' and looking past HUNDREDS of 'yellow' successes
When feelings about a decision seem to shift.
Pulling apart mixed models: working your way UP the model
F- Bored and busy simultaneously
We can resist any emotion not just the “negative” ones! (free, anxious, joyful, happy… )
We are all circumstances (facts) in each other’s models.
Follow up: Allowing an emotion
Success: How did you get over or around those walls?
Success: peel apart the resistance model from the model where you took action
Success: "I feel like I could write a success story for every ride."
Success: I will make progress and have a better relationship with Pilot even while pregnant.
Success: "like I had given HIM a puzzle to figure out"
Fear that clouds: How could something similar be true with your horses?
Can you practice being in non-judgment of this as an option? PART 4
Can you practice being in non-judgment of this as an option? PART 3
Thoughts ABOUT our feelings
Restarting in the best positive way
Get out of this cycle of fear and self doubt: Your starting point
Can you practice being in non-judgment of this as an option?
Having the power to pivot the plan (two things can exist at once)
Part 3: Traveling Horse Training Business (KNOW why you spin and don't take action)
But I still feel conflicted (allow yourself to list all the feelings)
Part 2 & 3: Getting horse to stand/ground tie
Part 2: Many of us struggle with feeling like it’s selfish to do things for ourselves.
Part 2: Traveling Horse Training business (KNOW why you spin and don’t take action)
Leaving these questions unanswered just means they will keep coming up.
Many of us struggle with feeling like it’s selfish to do things for ourselves.
Traveling Horse Training business
Part 3: Learning difference between my inner critic and the composed trainer
Learning to experience disappointment. (part 1 & 2)
What comes up for you mentally and emotionally as you work on those transitions?
Getting to neutral involves tapping into that observer part of your brain.
In times like these, I love the word “AND”...
Reminding yourself of your new thought will take effort.
Good decision might still feel uncomfortable.
Human brains are messy: They’re separate models, both going on at the same time.
It can often be helpful to watch how your brain judges these emotions...
Part 3: New Challenges/Injury, New Mindset Battles
See how you’re wanting to label them as ridiculous?
Part 2: New Challenges/Injury, New Mindset Battles
Selfish isn’t an emotion
Outside validation or self validation
You don’t have to keep that thought just because your brain offers it to you.
Is there an overarching thought you can identify?
You can often find more clarity when you get more specific
New Challenges/Injury, New Mindset Battles
Suzy Q was attacked by a swarm of aggressive bees. Critically injured
Feeling: doubt, uncertainty
Feeling: Willing.
Part 2: Using one success model as a stepping stones to the next success (body scan)
Goal: harness a horse by myself
A story of reasonable outcome and progression of communication
Part 3: Enjoy my trail rides with Gracie
Once you accomplish your goal-it becomes a circumstance.
Using one success model as a stepping stones to the next success (body scan)
Mindset work can keep you focused on what you CAN do, rather than what you “can’t”
Part 2: My Power Thought: This too shall pass
Part 2: Celebrating the little wins matters so much!
My Power Thought: This too shall pass 💪😎🐎❣️
Part 2: "I am better with horses." (you don’t get to bypass negative emotion)
20 emotions I've identified
Part 2: Enjoy my trail rides with Gracie
It’s not uncommon to be unfamiliar with how you’re feeling.
My power thought: "it can get even better!"
Unintentional and intentional models for successful collected canter
I will continue to learn (with and without my horse)
Power thought: “I have a choice”
Power thoughts are extremely individualized (how to try them on)
POWER THOUGHT: I have the tools and skills to reach my dream.
Part 2: Learning difference between my inner critic and the composed trainer
Success with the body scan process
Celebrating the little wins matters so much!
Power thought: I am better with horses!
Part 2: From back injury to riding again!
Part 2: Became an instructor. (full action line)
Had a blast, raised a healthy amount of money, laughed a lot...
Part 2: "I was able to laugh at my mistake and keep going."
From back injury to riding again! (separating models to go deeper)
Became an instructor. (mixed model work)
An amazing perfect jog! (let's look at how you created this)
Learning difference between my inner critic and the composed trainer
I was able to laugh at my mistake and keep going.
I had to re-define my definition of success.
I went into this show weekend calm.
Enjoy my trail rides with Gracie
Anxiety...or curiosity and awareness?
Part 4 -What feeling was behind this decision? (39 Rung Ladder of Emotions)
Part 3 -What feeling was behind this decision? (keep him or sell him with a clear conscience)
Part 2: "What do you imagine feeling?"
What feeling was behind this decision? (keep him or sell him with a clear conscience)
Let's look at this sneaky thought: “What I’m doing now isn’t working.”
Exploring this and experimenting with this tool (with my rescue horse)
My inner critic has a new thing...
What is the thought behind the frustration?
Pregnancy and horses.
86 rung ladder of emotions WITH details!
22 rung ladder of emotions
I found it took more thought for the feelings below neutral.
What IF… you didn’t hope to stay in the beginning of your feeling wheel?
Curious ….is my power word.
Dream: Having a deep understanding of all aids, so that rides with Duke feel like a willing and clear conversation.
The 100 actions towards my goal were a game changer.
Power thought: I am discovering the parts and the process I need to understand in order to achieve my goals with my horse.
Ladder of emotions: wanted to skip over several 'negative' emotions
17 rung: ladder of emotions: Emotional Ladder (Soundness issues and performance goals)
Part three: (Did I go overboard?) have my mare so broke that I want to show her off!
Your thoughts about the action plan & More I think, the more action I can write :)
Goal: (December 2023) I have shown in a Introductory level Western Dressage class.
19 rung: ladder of emotions
Ladder of emotions:Part 4: Result: (September 2, 2023) - Gracie a
Processing emotions in real time (and emotion ladder)
31 rung ladder: Proud, trusting, fulfilled, exposed, stressed, insecure.
Dream: To be so in tune and communicative with my horse that others can’t see our cues
Soundness issues and performance goals
PART 2 & 3: Result (December 2023) Have 12 videos recorded and uploaded to my YouTube channel.
Result: (October 2023) Ranch Trail and Cowboy Challenges. WDAA Online Dressage Show Basic Level Test 1. Establishing Collection course. Attended the WDAA World Show.
Part 1 & 2: DREAM: To have my mare so broke, that I want to show her off!
Ultimate Goal: compete in a trail obstacle course ride.
PART 3: Result: (September 2, 2023) - Gracie and I performed multiple correct (back to front) flying lead changes on a straight line. Left to right and right to left and I have a video showing them.
Part 2: Result: (December, 2023) I am now cantering the cloverleaf 10 times through. We are fit and balanced.
Goal: (December 2023) Enjoy riding Sugar for a full day at work without worry and without issues
Result (April 2023) walk and jog perfect circles, wandering circles, and four leaf clover patterns
PART 2: Goal 2023 Ride and video my own horses consistently and progress on our goals. Journal on my rides.
Goal 2023 Ride and video my own horses consistently and progress on our goals. Journal on my rides.
Goal: to show in a ranch trail class at upcoming jackpots
PART 2: Result: October 2023, I cantered the 4 leaf clover pattern 5 times without breaking to the trot or walk.
PART 2: Result: (September 2, 2023) - Gracie and I performed multiple correct (back to front) flying lead changes on a straight line. Left to right and right to left and I have a video showing them.
Result: I rode Crouton in the Cowboy Dressage of Colorado schooling show on August 20, 2023. I am holding the test results in my hand with scores above 60%.
Result: I have shown at an in-hand trail class hosted by Indiana Ranch Horse Association or Michigan Ranch Horse Association by the end of August 2023
Seeing my dream and setting goals
Goal: My goal for Pirate is to teach a flying lead change on cue so we get it 80% of the time right by September 30, 2023
Result: It is December 31, 2023 and I have safely completed 50 hours of trail riding on Hank.
Result- (December 2023) I traveled with my horse and dog, camped with my sister, Donna, her horse and dog, and rode trails in Pueblo Park, New Mexico.
Result (Feb 28, 2023) I am look at my daily journal where I have written out 20 times the consistent routine I follow.
Result: (September 2, 2023) - Gracie and I performed multiple correct (back to front) flying lead changes on a straight line. Left to right and right to left and I have a video showing them.
Result (December 2023) A safe, confident, relaxed partnership with Hero during a Pueblo Park camping trip with my sister Ann, her horse, and our dogs
Result (December 2023) Have 12 videos recorded and uploaded to my YouTube channel.
Result: (October 15, 2023) I competed in an obstacle challenge with Annie.
Result: (December, 2023) I am now cantering the cloverleaf 10 times through. We are fit and balanced.
Think of a specific time that you noticed your mind wandering in a training session.
Result: October 2023, I cantered the 4 leaf clover pattern 5 times without breaking to the trot or walk.
Goal: Have the tools I need to figure out how to cue correctly for flying lead changes.
Goal:November 27, 2023. trail ride both alone and with others; trailer loading uneventful, back gate, no hesitation.
Goal: Dec 2023: flying lead change; circle, straight line, at home and at a show
Part 2: Slow progress (Are you 'barn sour' with your goal?)
DEEP DIVE into how WE got to this point.
Studying horsemanship seems to trigger waves of emotion.
I have carried this thought and feeling with me the last few rides and it has made a world of difference!
If we look for the lessons… then failure isn’t so scary after all.
Thoughts that remind me of my power to CHOOSE.
Where else could you leverage some humor in your horse goals?!
Counter bend success story continued...
Setbacks/obstacles are a springboard.
What frustration might look like in the model.
My power thought is "I am a creator."
“Success by a thousand choices”
Part 3: (Processing loss during goal) What are the next steps to fully embody the successes we experience?
I have the tools and ability to continue riding rather than aborting the plan as I had in the past.
There’s another thought hidden in there...
Part 2: “I want what you have.”
Peeling them apart will help you take credit
Setback or opportunity to be resourceful
Put the focus on what YOU did.
ONE though/feeling combination at a time
We are stuck
I am capable of figuring out a way to accomplish these goals
Part 3: Power thought for (I was able to show up...)
Part 3: Power statement (BECAUSE of...)
I'm getting to know me and my horse better.
I ensure the session is a learning opportunity for both me and my horse
Part 2: Win an AQHA equitation
My success is overcoming my self doubt and insecurity.
Part 2: I see the knowledge I’ve gleaned BECAUSE of these set back opportunities
“I want what you have.”
Part 2: Processing loss during goal
I see the knowledge I’ve gleaned BECAUSE of these set back opportunities
Win an AQHA equitation
Part 2: I was able to show up confident, connected and consistent.
Processing loss during goal
I was able to show up confident, connected and consistent...
Successful ride after a fall on my “reactive” mare!
AND what were you telling yourself that kept that door of possibility open?
What did you tell yourself in that moment that helped you keep going?
What do you need to believe about YOU?
Learning even when you’re not riding.
“How could we go for big changes (achievements) if I don't say yes to small ones?”
Slow progress (Are you 'barn sour' with your goal?)
Coach: What if I told you that you already did start?
Shifting your thoughts to what you can control.
What would you need to believe about yourself in order to release this?
Part 2: "Backwards" steps or uncovering GOLD:🤯 Mind blown!
My brain really wants to offer reasons not to ride.
I now understand why this homework is important. Brain exploded!🤯
Changing muscle memory
Aging
Feelings about current world vs horses
Part 2: "What do you imagine feeling?"
It might be helpful to retrace your steps.
"Backwards" steps or uncovering GOLD
Circumstance—I am having trouble choosing a new horse
'Excited and amazed' then brain skips to what might be wrong
"Enough is a decision, not an amount."
Notice how your thoughts are very focused on him.
What do you imagine feeling?
What is HER story about planning?
Was this a good learning experience, or a little setback?
The power in examining our stories and choosing if we want to keep them.
Part 2: Information from different sources
I do, but I don’t, want to throw in the towel.
Negativity bias vs specific facts
Feeling hangover from yesterday's ride.
Going deeper: explore what IS working.
Horse show nervousness
The balancing act of having a plan and being in the moment .
Exploring how we’re using words and what our intentions are.
How do you synthesize information from different sources?
Does your chosen thought generate that feeling?
How do you define a “good horse person”?
Do you notice a specific contributing feeling in your body?
My new thought feels fake
Wired to look for problems & giving away authority
HELP: I am sabotaging myself
Practicing emotions
Ocean view of horse training
Maybe this is proof of what you are capable of...
INCONSISTENT BEHAVIOR...and pre-planning
'Too far out of it now' or 'showing up for myself today'
Wasting time: annoyed vs amazing
The power of simple.
Indecisiveness: What would I rather spend my energy on that considering and reconsidering this choice?
How would you talk to your best friend...
"maybe if I just beat myself up more, I will actually do the things!"
Strength & posture: Part 2 (disappointed/resolute/creative)
I have a choice! How empowering is that!?!
Is that new thought believable?
“I wonder why she still has questions about this?”
This feeling can come along with me...
Innocent sounding thoughts can be so sneaky
"I can't" vs "I choose not to..."
The horse's behavior is your circumstance.
Your instructor offered you her thought.
Goals are like a GPS
Embarrassment. Once circumstance= 2 models.
Shifting from 'lost/stupid' to capable
Urgency: try to push, chase, fit it “all” in
Confusion: advice from different people
Horse tossing head & regret
Overwhelm: My brain wants to know all the answers before I begin...
Time specific goals and fairness
Looking for a 'right' answer
Stuck or simply part of the journey?
Fear of rejection is normal
How can I best use the exercises for the strength and posture I'm seeking? What else can I do improve our physical abilities?
Should I show my horse or is it too soon?
I am really discouraged by my progress.
Workbooks & printable support materials
How to download PDF (1:49)
Evaluation Workbook and Printable Worksheets for Evaluation
Goal Setting Workbook PDF
Train Your Own Horse with Confidence PDF
Riding Assessment PDF
Feeling wheel & awareness exercise
Follow up to: I’m struggling with sorting out the feelings about perceived actions versus facts.
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